In IKEA
by Iikku The Eyebrow Master
Summary: America and Canada go to IKEA and get lost. CRACK, no pairings. Characters: America, Canada, Hungary, Poland, China, England, France, Norway, Finland, Ukraine and Belarus lots of mentions about Sweden. Multichapter.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, I'm Iikku and this is my first fanfic that I uploaded here. It's MAJOR crack in some bits, just to warn. English is not my first language, so there might be some grammar mistakes. Slight OOC may be in the fic. No pairings so far, if you squint you may see something. Found also in dA.**

America was at Canadas place, for an unknown reason. Maybe he had ran out of food. Maybe he wanted someone to praise his heroic ass. Who knows...Perhaps Canada? No, he did not. He had better things to worry about. Like chairs which Americas heroic ass had broken.

"I have to go get new chairs now. France and England are coming tonight for a visit", Canada sighed.

"Why are Iggybrows and Francey-pants coming over? Are you playing games? I wanna play games too! What are you playing?" America rambled.

"No, we're not playing games. I don't know why they are coming, France just called me and told me they'd be here in the evening. I didn't have a chance to ask, he just hung up on me."

"Huh. No games. How boring. You'll need someone to chase the boredom away, and that's where the hero comes in! I'll stay too! Hahahahahaa!" the louder one stated and did a hero pose. Canada facepalmed. He was screwed now.

"I still need those new chairs..."

"Not to worry! I have an awesome plan to save your little canadian ass! Come on, we'll go to IKEA!" America said and grabbed his brothers hand. He pulled the other one out of the house and threw him on the passengers seat in his Ford Mustang.

"What-?" Canada asked confused, and before he realized they were on the way to IKEA.

"Hahahahahaa! See how fast I am? It's because all the sugar I eat!" America laughed and speeded along the highway.

"How much have you had?! You're way too fast!"

"Oh not that much. I ate three bowls Sugarpuffs in morning, then twenty Mars bars, then some ice cream, and then deep-fried Mars-bars..."

"THAT'S WAY TOO MUCH SUGAR!"

"Oh it's just my breakfast. Look a squirrel! But anyway after that I ate a bag of chips, they were covered in chocolate..."

"You're going to get diabetes."

"What's that? An animal?"

After a while they arrived to a big blue box-like building.

"Hahahahahaa! Look, were here! In record time too! See how fast I am? Everyone should eat sugar this much, you know?"

"Yeah, sure...but are you sure about this? I've heard pretty scary stories about IKEA. People getting lost, ending up in the weirdest places, never getting out..."

"Oh that's crazy talk! You sound like Iggy, you know? C'mon, Sweden is not a psycho! It's not like he would design a killer trap out of a furniture store! Let's go, Canada!" America said and dragged his brother in the store. White walls and minimalistic furniture gave the place a futuristic look.

"So what we had to get here?"

"Chairs, because you broke mine..."

"Oh yeah! Don't cha worry bro, I'm a hero so I'm gonna pay them! So where are the chairs?"

"We have to walk through the store and see if we can find any good looking stuff. In the end of the walk, there is a storage room where we fetch the furniture. They'll be in boxes so we have to put them together when we get home..."

"Simple! How long it will take to walk through?"

"I don't know. Maybe twenty minutes? This place is pretty big..."

"Nah, we'll make it in ten minutes! Let's go!" America said and ran to the first section of the store. Canada followed after him, afraid that his brother might break something, or even get lost.

"Hey Canada! How about these ones? Nice and cool-looking! Look, you can even get them in twenty different colours!"

"America, those are beanbags."

"So? They're awesome!"

"I don't think I need such things. We need chairs."

"Fine, whatever. How about this one?"

"That's an armchair."

"Nevertheless, it's a chair!"

"America, no. A real chair", Canada sighed once again. They continued their walk, not finding any chairs. Instead, they had collected quite a lot everything they DID NOT need. They had candles, pillows, boxes and stuffes animals in their yellow IKEA bags. After a while Canada started to feel nervous. Was this thing ever going to end? If it continued like this, they would lose all ther money.

Entering another minimalistic show room, America saw a pillow with Stars and Stripes printed on it. He grabbed it and started to hug and praise it.

"OMIGOD! This is so awesome! Man, I always knew Sweden was a good designer, but this is just damn cool! Look, it's so beautiful! Stars and Stripes! Dude, I'm so gonna hug Sweden after this!"

"Yeah yeah, that's nice. Come on, let's move 's the next room?"

"Umm, wait...I think it's that way."

"But wait, that's where we came from. Is it that way?"

"No, that's a short cut..."

"America..."

"Don't say it! Don't you dare to say it!"

"I think we are l..."

"STOP THAT IGGYTALK! We are not!"

"We are lost."

"...Yeah. We are kinda lost."


	2. Chapter 2

**Second chapter. Sorry for the OOC. Yay for Hungary and Poland friendship :D**

After a while of walking around and ending up in the same place the two North Americans had to admit it; they were not only lost, they were HOPELESSLY lost.

"Dammit! I guess we are not playing any games with Iggy and Francey-pants tonight", America sighed and dived in the pillow sea.

"We weren't going to play games anyway...And I don't think you're allowed to do that", Canada said and pulled his brothers hoodie sleeve.

"C'mon, were lost. We won't be caught if we do something. Can you see any cameras? No, so why don't you join me!"

Canada had no say on that matter when he was pulled next to his brother. A heroic laugh filled the room when America and Canada started to wrestle in the pillow sea.

"You fucking hoser! Can't you be serious?"

"Ummm...no. Nudgie!" the loud american ansrewed and 'nudgied' Canada. Canada decided put an end to this and did his best hockey-tackle. America surrended. The brothers stood up and got all serious again.

"So what should we do? There isn't anyone else except for us, we have no idea where we are and I really have to pee", America squirmed a little.

"Dammit...can't you hold it?"

"NO."

"Well shit...Maybe there's a toilet near by..."

The duo moved to the next show room. Ironically, it was the bathroom section.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" America cried. Canada giggled.

"You know what? Screw this. I need to pee, and oh I will pee. Who cares anyway? I'm so gonna kick Swedens ass after this..." America walked to one of those fake bathrooms, unzipped his jeans and...well, you know.

"America! Are you an idiot? You...!"

"Can't hear ya, my illegal wiz is too loud!"

After "managing his business" America walked to his embrassed brother. Canada stepped back when the idiot tried to give him a bro-hug wth this UNWASHED hands.

"So! What should we do now? Ooh I know, let's go to the kid zone!"

"No, let's get out off here immedia..." Canadas sentence was cut off when the lights suddenly went off.

"Are you fucking kidding me? CLOSING TIME?! When were lost?"

"This is not awesome. Good thing I'm a hero! I will save us from this hellhole they call IKEA!"

"Could you like, save us too?" someone asked in the darkness. America screamed and jumped onto Canadas arms.

"W-who's there?"

"It's just us. Hungary and Poland," two figures walked to them. America and Canada stared at the two europeans for a few seconds before America realized where he was. Embaressed, he jumped off his brothers arms and let out the hero-laugh.

"Ahahahahaa! I knew that, I was just fooling around. So you guys are lost too?"

"Like totally! We came here to buy some effing-cool frying pans", Poland pulled out a pink pan out of their bag "and then we saw these", Hungary showing two heart pillows with arms "and then we totally lost control and shopped like psychos and then we were totally lost!"

"We were supposed to have a girls-night out spying our neighbors but I guess it's not happening", Hungary sighed.

"What? Girls-night out? But...Poland is a guy..." America looked at her confused.

"Hey four-eyes, you should know what she did when we were kiddies...or should I say he?" Poland grinned and continued "You could, like say we don't need to worry whether it's boys or girls..."

"Shut up already. You sound kinky", she kicked the pole gently. The brothers looked at each other, not really certain how to act with these weird europeans.

"Sooo...we should propably try to find an exit or something..." Canada said.

"Oh yeah! Can you see any green lights? We could use an emergency exit", Hungary suggested and started the search. She walked out of the room, soon to be followed the men (or more likely two and a half). America caught up with her, obviously trying to snatch the leader position.

"You know, Hungary, you should let the hero lead, yeah?" he smirked with a slight flirt.

"Really, little boy?"

"Hey, I am not little. I'm taller than you."

"Yeah, but I am older. And I believe I have more experience in these kind of situations", she said and walked faster.

"Dammit, has this turned into a power battle between those two", Canada whispered to Poland.

"And America is SO losing this one", Poland ansrewed with a string of nervousity.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello again. My cracky story continues. China steps in too...or more like falls. Sorry for texans.**

Every now and then Hungary and America traded a nasty comment about each other. Canada and Poland were just waiting when they would put up a proper fight. That would not be a pretty sight. Sure, America is a superpower made of fat and muscle, but were talking about Hungary here. She grew up in the middle of the action with nasty european politics! Many times mentioned by various people, she had more balls than any other nation in the world. Canada was worried for his brothers safety and Poland for Hungarys dress. Damn, it was JUST perfect for her and it had been hard to find it!

"Uhm, yo guys, we totally came back to the toilet room. Again. Can't you two lead us out?" Poland asked, stopping Americas explanation about his heroic plans.

"Well I don't know because the hero here keeps messing my thoughts", Hungary glared the american nastily.

"A-anyway...", Canada tried to keep the peace on Earth "Maybe we should separate again? You know, mark our ways and then come back here after a while to see what the others have found. Is that okay?"

"As long as I don't have to go with this fat ass", Hungary muttered when she nodded.

"Yeah, sure", America agreed, glaring her.

"Great! Okey-dokey, Ameryka, you're coming with me! We'll totally find the exit in no time, right?" Poland grabbed the heros hand, winking at Canada. "Good plan" he mouthed.

"But how are we supposed to mark our way?" Hungary asked.

"Oh I totally have an epic idea!" Poland ran to one of the fake bathrooms and grabbed two rolls of toiletpaper. "We can like, use these ya know?"

"Good thinking Poland! That's a good sidekick dude! Now, we go this way and you go that way, okay?" America pointed as Poland handed a toilet paper roll to Hungary. The other team nodded and then they left.

"Okay, like, these beds are like so awesome! Totally fluffy and all!" Poland said as he jumped on the big mattress. They had wandered their way to bedroom section, which wasn't that good when you have two...uhm, distractable countries.

"Look at me dude! I'mma Superpowerman!" America shouted as he was jumping from one bed to another. Then he hit a lamp and fell on the floor.

"Omg! Are you like, okay?" Poland ran to him.

"Kinda...but Texas got hit..." Superpowerman pointed his now-crooked glasses.

"Whatevs. You looked totally super funny! Like, I donno. Really stupid ya kno?" the pole giggled as the american tried to fix his state...I mean glasses.

"Damn, I wonder what happened to the texans."

Somewhere far away (In USA, if you didn't get it.) the ground cracked and some fatsos dropped into hell.

Hungary and Canada found themselves from the kitchen department. Rather than looking for an exit, Hungary spent her time checking out the frying pans.

"You know, we should maybe go back. There's nothing here", Canada said carefully. He had heard a thing and two about Hungary and her pans from Prussia.

"Hmmm...you're propably right. Just give me a hand, will you?"

"Uh, sure. What do I have to do?"

Hungary gave the pan to the canadian.

"Hit me."

"...What?!"

"Hit me. I need a good pan and this looks perfect! I need to see if it's any good."

"By getting hit?"

"Hey, I need to know how painful it is. How else I could use it as a weapon?"

"Good point...but really?"

"Just hit me already. Hard. Right to the face."

Canada looked at the girl uncertain what to do. Iggy had always said that you shouldn't hit girls! But she was a nation too, and not just any nation, she was Hungary!

"O-okay..." he stuttered and swung the pan. It hit her face, causing her to fall on her back.

"Oh shit! Are you okay?"

She let out a moan and stood up, grinning.

"Just perfect! This baby is coming with me", she said and hugged the pan. Poor Prussia, Canada tought.

Suddenly they heard a crash and a scream. They noticed that one of the cupboards was now open.

"Ai-yaah..." someone moaned.

"Ch-China?" Canada asked suprised.

"Yes. Ni Hao Hungary and (uhm) Canada", he sad as he stoop up, rubbing his head.

"May I ask what were you doing in the cupboard?" Hungary looked at the asian extremely confused.

"I was hiding from Korea-aru."

"Why?"

"He's groping my breasts-aru."

"You don't have breasts."

"I know-aru. Korea doesn't-aru."

"Okay...but why are you still here? The shop has closed ages ago."

"The door didn't open-aru. I was stuck there-aru. That's what you get when you slack off in work-aru", he sighed. China-trap made in China.

"Would you happen to know where the exit is by any chance?" Canada asked hopefully. Unfortunately China shook his head.

"Well, I guess we just have to go back to the toilet room", Hungary said. Then the trio started to follow the toilet paper path back to the start.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter four here :D Again, I'm sorry Texas. Also, lots of tension between America and Hungary. Yay for France in panic! Random cliffhanger. To be continued...**

"So now there's five of us stuck in IKEA", America said when he and Poland arrived to the room.

"What happened to your glasses?" his brother asked.

"I hit a lamp", he ansrewed and corrected the crooked glasses.

"Does anyone know what time it is-aru?"

"No...we don't have watches..." Hungary sighed.

"Or cellphones! I just can't believe it, like everyone totally forgot them! That's like, so weird! It's like, God totally wants us to die here or something!" Poland shook his head dramatically.

"Did you guys find the exit?" Canada asked hopefully.

"Nope. I guess you did neither", America ansrewed.

"Ai-yaah! This sucks-aru. I had to get up early tomorrow for the meeting-aru."

"Oh yeah the meeting!" Hungary gasped.

"What meeting?" the american didn't remember if they had talked about something like that.

"The U.N. meeting, you know? At my place", Canada looked at his brother who was putting his thoughts in order.

"Oh that meeting! I totally forgot! Damn, I don't have any papers prepared for that thing!"

The others facepalmed. Superpower indeed.

At Canadas door step, England and France were (suprise suprise) arguing. They had reasoned that now when both of them were here, they could spend some quality-family time with Canada. Well, of course there were a few problems. One being the fact that Canada was missing, and two they couldn't be in the same room with out getting into a fight. This argument had lost it's meaning hours ago, but they still kept fighting.

"You stupid irrelevant snob! You keep vandalizing the english language by putting random french in the bloody sentences!"

"So? Je suis francais, je parle francais! I am just making it more beautiful! Anglais is such an barbaric language!"

"Oh it just sounds like you can't speak english properly! Or you have a need to tell everyone that you are a fucking frog. If you could just...Oh what do you know, we're already here", a sudden change from a fight to normal conversation when England realized where they are.

"Ah oui. I vonder f ze door is open..." France said and pressed to doorknob. It opened with a creak.

"Evening Canada! We're here!"

No ansrew. The europeans went through the whole house, not finding Canada. Instead they saw the broken chairs in the kitchen. They started to get worried. France sat down on the sofa, dialing Canadas number.

"How careless he can be? Leaving the door open and house empty. Bollocks, he's like America", England ranted and walked around in the living room. A soft noise came from beneath the sofa cushions.

"...Dear God don't tell me he hasn't even his cellphone with him!"

"Zis is getting scary. Angleterre, vhat if our bebe is in danger?" France started to ramble in panicky french. England took the frenchmans shoulders and shook him.

"Calm down, idiot. I-I'm sure there is a rational explanation for this", he said with a string of uncertainty.

And there was. Only thing is that getting lost in a furniture store isn't rational.

"Look at me, dudes!" America shouted as he climbed up on a shell full of plates.

"What are you doing-aru?" China asked, mentally wondering how someone can be so immature.

"I'm climbing!"

"Well that's obvious, but why?" Hungary facepalmed.

"I'm checking out if I could see the exit there! See, I'm a smart hero! Ahahahahaa!"

Other nations joined the facepalm club.

"Soon..." Canada whispered but was interrupted by a crash.

"...he'll fall."

And what do you know, he was right. America was on his back on the floor, with a few broken plates. Texas was now not only crooked, but also in two pieces. That wouldn't be pretty sight in there.

"Fuuuuuuck. These are quite useless now", America squinted.

"Can you like, see anything?" Poland asked.

"Well...everything is either really blurry or I'm as blind as a bat. Canada, could you lend me your glasses?"

"Then I can't see a thing."

"So? I'm the hero, I have to save you all and I can't do that if I am a bat."

"Too bad. I'm not lending these."

"Stupid bro", America muttered as he stood up. Canada went and helped his brother to walk without stumbling onto everything.

"Great, now Sugarrush McFatass is also blind. I wonder what's next, a broken limb?" Hungary huffed.

"Jeez, Gari, you're on a totally bad mood today! Lighten up, girlfriend!" Poland tried.

"Like that's going to happen with that idiot. Good thing Canada isn't like his brother", she said as they followed the North Americans pitiful attemps to walk forward. America was used to lead, and even when all he could see was blur he still tried to walk in the front.

"A-America, look out..." Canada tried to stop his brother, but it was useless. Americas face met wall.

"Ouch! I-it's okey, I'm American...", he rubbed his nose. China muttered something in chinese, rubbing his temple.

"America, not that I doubt your skills as a leader (I know they don't exist) but I think someone else should lead us", Hungary said and strode on the front.

"What? No, I've got this. Ya just relax, Hungary. I'm the hero, hero's save the day even if they're injured!"

Like expected, these two began to agrue again. Canada, China and Poland watched them, embaressed and annoyed.

"I-I'm sorry for my brothers behaviour...He's usually much more...ummm..."

"Don't worry, we know he's an idiot-aru."

"Oh my god, we're gonna like, die or something if this goes on like this..."

The fight between America and Hungary was getting rather physical now. A few punches was exchanged, America didn't hit her though. Poland and Canada decided to put an end for that before there really was going to be a war. Poland pulled his friend back and Canada took a hold of his brothers hands.

"Ai-yaah...you guys are really childish-aru. I'd rather be with Korea than you two-aru...We'll never get out of here if you keep fighting-aru!" China was using his "mighty old nation" voice. An embaressed and angry blush rose on Americas and Hungarys cheeks.

"I-I know..." she muttered.

"Yeah..."

"Now apologize-aru."

Both of them huffed "sorry". China didn't have to talk to them like children, even if they acted a little childish...

"Good. Now, since I am the oldest, I shall take the lead-aru!" he exclaimed and walked out of the room. Dumbfounded, the other four followed. China was just goddamn weird...

The next room was the living room section. Poland gasped as he saw a "totally fab" mauve-coloured couch. He ran to it, almost screaming.

"Oh my god, Gari, wouldn't this look totally awesome in my living room? It totally matches my walls!" he rambled, taking a look on the behind of the couch. His face whitened.

"OH MY GOD, THERE'S LIKE, A BODY IN HERE!"

"What?"

"Maple..."

"You're kidding-aru..."

"OH FUCK SHUT UP I DON'T WANT TO BE IN THIS ROOM IF THE BODYS GHOST IS HERE!"

Hungary walked behind the couch. A confused look rose on her face.

"Norway?"


	5. Chapter 5

**The second last part :D Lots of crack again, plus finnish swearing. WARNING: Norway EXTREMELY OOC. Hints of various Canada pairings. Get ready for the super-cracky finale! And yay for worried France and Iggy :D**

The nations stood there stunned.

"Norway?!"

"Is he dead-aru?"

"Maple..."

"...Which one of the nordics is he again...?" America asked. The others gave him a look of disbelief.

"You...can't tell them apart-eh..." Canada whispered and rubbed his temple.

"He's the shorter creep with a hair curl", Poland told him. The superpower nodded.

"What's the ruckus about..."a monotonous voice said from the floor.

"UWAAH DUDE HE'S A ZOMBIE!"

"No he's not! Norway are you okay?" Hungary kneeled to the northern nation. He opened his eyes, fixed his hair and sat up.

"Now that you're here", he slurred flirtaously and winked. His breath reeked...like alcohol.

"...He's drunk..." Hungary stated and backed up a bit.

"He's even creepier now-aru...Flirty Norway, who could've believed-aru..." China huffed.

"Like, what are you doing here?" Poland asked, keeping a distance. He never had thought the nordic could be even weirder, but apparently miracles happen. Norway blinked a few times.

"I was playing hide and seek."

"What?" everyone was totally lost now. Who was this guy and where was the real Norway?

"I was playing hide and seek with Iceland and Danmark. We took a few drinks before that though...so our hideouts weren't so good. But then it hit me; if I hide inside and IKEA, they will never find me...and then I fell asleep. Anyway, have you seen Danmark? He's the seeker."

"Dude, IKEA is closed and we're trapped here! And we don't have cellphones!" America practically screamed. Now that he couldn't see anything his usual cheery nature was stepping aside as panic took over. He didn't like being dependant on the others, but now he had no choice and it was really getting on him.

"Hmmm", the monotonous nordic ansrewed.

"Would you happen to have a phone with you-aru?" China asked hopefully. The nations stared Norway, wishing for the best. He grinned cockily.

"Pfft, I don't need phones. I have a magic tool that I can use to contact anyone."

They looked at him full of disbelief as Norway went through his pockets, slowly with drunken movements.

"Ah."

He pulled out a black cellphone from his boxers, making the others wonder what the hell this guy does when he's drunk.

"I have it here. Yayyy~", Norway did a small wawe.

"That's a phone, you idiot-aru!"

"Great! Call someone! Tell them to get us out of here!" Hungary told him, but was shunned by the nordic.

"Say pleeease."

"...What?"

"Say pleeease."

"Umm, please?"

"No, not please. Pleeease."

"What the hell?"

"A-aa, that's not it."

"For shits sake...pleease."

"That's the spirit", Norway smiled (smiled!) and dialed a number on the phone. He pressed the "call" button and put it on the speaker.

One beep.

Two beeps.

Three beeps.

Poland sneezed.

Four beeps.

A voice ansrewed.

"Norja? Why are you calling at this hour? Have you been drinking with Tanska and Islanti again?"

"Hej Finland, wazzuuupp..."

"Do you need a ride again? Where are you, I'll pick you up..." there was a slight annoyance in Finlands voice.

"I'm in IKEA. With Hungary, Poland, China, America and (uhm vem er du?) Canada. We can't get out."

Silence.

"Mitä vittua?"

"We're trapped in IKEA", Norway repeated.

"Yeah, joo, I heard that, but what the hell Norja? What have you been doing?"

"Playing hide and seek."

"How...just...you...You know what, never mind. I'll save you guys. Be there soon. Moi moi", Finland said and hung up. Norway gave a very drunk smile to his fellow countries.

"See? Help is on it's way", he said and passed out. The others stared at him (well, America squinted towards him trying to make something out of the blur), not quite sure what had just happened.

"Guys...I am totally not an expert on this thing, but...how Finland is like, going to get us out of here again? With reindeers?" Poland huffed full of disbelief.

"I don't think we have too many other choices..." Canada whispered.

"Why not call someone else-aru? Sweden perhaps? He has the key anyway-aru", China suggested and took Norways phone. He looked at it and went white.

"Battery is dead-aru..."

"Magic tool my ass", America pouted.

"We'll just have to wait 'till December 25th and then Santa will come save us. Great job, Norway! We'll be stuck here forever!"

"We would get out of here in the morning..." Canada said to his brother.

"If we find the exit then, you mean", Poland added. The nations sighed and sat down to wait Finland.

Meanwhile France and England were now seriously worried. They had tried to call America too, but all they got was a request to leave a voice mail. The europeans tried to figure who to call now. Who was Canada close with? Prussia? He wouldn't ansrew, he was too drunk at this hour. Russia? Just no. Cuba? Propably drunk too. They were sitting on the couch now, with panicky minds.

"Mon bebe, mon petite, mon cheri, vhere could 'e be? Angleterre, vhat if a polar bear 'as eaten 'im?"

"I don't bloody know! For me it seemed that he got along with those beasts, but who knows? Maybe they snapped..."

"Zink cher, zink. Vho ve 'aven't called? Vho is Canada friends vith?"

"Goddammit I can't remember!" the brit said angrily and stood up. He walked into the kitchen and looked around him.

The fridge.

It had photos on the door.

England walked to it and searched for nations.

Prussia, Russia, America, Prussia, France, America, America, England, America...

Ukraine.

That's it.

"France! Call Ukraine!"

France dialed her number and waited for her to ansrew. Then he heard her voice (and her breasts).

"Hello? France, I'm kind of busy now, could you call later?"

"Ukraine, do you know vhere Canada is?"

"Canada?"

"Oui."

"Actually I do."

"Really? Vhere? Mon ange, tell me!"

"It's a weird story, even I don't know what has exactly happened..."

"It doesn't matter! Just tell me, please!"

"France, I don't have enough time, but he'll be home soon, oh shit we're driving into a tunnel! OK, Canada is in..."

The call broke off. England looked at his neighbor with questoning eyes.

"She knows...but she never 'ad ze time to tell me."

"Bloody hell, this is like one of Americas tacky movies", England hissed and sat down.


	6. Chapter 6

**The grand finale is here! This is pretty long compared to the other chapters, and oh so cracky. WARNING: OOC Norway, OOC(?) Finland, Stars Wars reference, leather, so much crack your brain will die.**

Hungary, America, Canada, China, Poland and Norway (still passed out) were now sitting in the living room section, lost all of their hope. They were certain they would never going to get out- Not unless Finland was a wizard or knew the IKEA like he did alcohol. This IKEA was a trap, designed to kill nations. Maybe that was Swedens plan all along? Lure the other countries shopping, then get lost in the massive building, never be found again. Then he could just concuer their lands.

"Hey dudes..." America murmured.

"What?" Hungary tried to sound irritated.

"Wanna play a game?"

The others turned to face America.

"What? We're going to die and you want to play games? What are you, a crazy eight-year old kid?" she snapped.

"C'mon, it's gonna be boring if we just keep angsting here. At least we could die while having fun, right?"

"That's childish-aru. You really are an idiot-aru."

"Nut-brain."

"I'm in. This is like, totally dull anyway. A game would make my death more fab", Poland said and rolled on his back.

"Great! What about you, Canada? You'll play, right?"

"I-I guess..."

"Awesome! Okay dudes, what's the game?"

"I have an idea. How about the silence game? The idea is to keep quiet as long as possible", Hungary said dryly and smiled sarcastically.

"Cool! I've never played that before! Let's do it!" America got exited. Hungary tried to explain it was a joke, but the american didn't listen.

"Okey guys, on the count of three, the game starts. One, two, two and a half men, three!" He yelled and inhaled. Silence filled the room as everyone quieted down. Ten seconds and America started to look really anxious. He didn't realize he'd have to be QUIET, but he sure didn't want to lose.

A weird sound rose from the background. It sounded like a...tank? What the hell? It sure wasn't there before. And the sound seemed to get closer. The confused nations stared at each other as they tried to figure out what was happening. Norway woke up and grinned.

"Ah, our ride is here..."

At the same second the wall went down as a huge battle tank drove through it. The countries stared at it, ashtonised.

"What the fuck?" America screamed.

"Indeed-aru."

All of the sudden Finland popped out of the tank-hole. He was wearing a scarf arounf his head, like Rambo.

"Moi everyone. Get in, we don't have much time", he said and motioned them to climb in.

"What do you mean, we don't have much time?" Poland asked.

"In about a minute, Su-san will notice I broke his IKEA again and get here to rip my head off", Finland explained.

"Wait, again?" Hungary asked, even more confused now.

"Just get your asses in."

Following the order, the nations climbed in the tank. To add their suprisement, Belarus and Ukraine were in it too, wearing VERY FLATTERING leather suits. Finland had camouflage pants and no shirt on. It was like straight from a cheap movie.

"Right, everyone's in? Let's go. Kaasu pohjaan, Ukraina", Finland counted the nations and nodded. Ukraine did as was told and put the pedal to the medal. The tank crushed everything that got on it's way, including the walls, couches and other furnitures.

"Dude, Finland, I have never said this but...you are like, the most heroic hero ever!" America said and folded his arms around the northern Rambo. Finland looked a little uncomfortable there, but smiled.

"Ehehe...thanks..."

Poland ran to Belarus and hugged her.

"OMIGOSH BELA, THAT WAS SO FREAKY! IKEA IS LIKE, HORRIBLE!" he rambled as the girl ansrewed with "hmmm"s. Finland shook the now-sobbing american off and walked to Ukraine.

"Course towards the sky, first-mate."

"Aye-aye, captain", she ansrewed and pressed a button. The tank started to shake and Finland ordered them to sit down. After a forceful notch the tank took off and started to fly.

"And now, to Korvatunturi! Foolish nations, this was my plan all along! Using the help of Sweden and Norway, I kidnapped you and now I shall make you my helpers in Santa's workshop! MUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" Finland laughed evilly. The nations looked each other worriedly and wondered if Finland was serious. Sure, he had a weird sense of humour...but this wasn't that funny...

"Valko-Venäjä, press the button", he pointed towards a big red button on the side of the tank. Belarus nodded and pushed it. Metallic straps appeared out of the seats and captured America, Canada, Hungary, Poland and China.

"What the hell is going on?" Hungary tried to wiggle off.

"Finland, this is totally UNFUNNY!"

"Norway, help us-aru!"

"Sorry guys, but I'm on Finlands side, he said and took his shirt off. Under it he had a matching leather suit with Ukraine and Belarus.

"Not to worry, I am the hero! I will save the day!" America said and tried to break the metal strap. Finland just laughed evilly.

"Just try it, Amerikka, you will never succeed. And even if you would, you would have to fight with me. Could you do that, little boy?"

"Pffft, no problemo. I am the hero, I can do anything! You're a villain, Finland, and no matter what, I will defeat you! No matter what! The only people I wouldn't fight against are my family (except Iggy, he's an idiot)!"

"Well...according to some theories...America, I am your father."

"...NOOOOOOO!"

"What theories?" Canada asked.

"I don't know, some guy named Hima-something made a comic about it...and people got excited. But anyway, suck that hero!" Finland smiled. America was now going through an identity crisis with some Stars Wars-spice.

"Umm, Finland, could you come here for a sec?" Ukraine asked him.

"What is it?"

"Well, I got this phone call from France..."

At Canadas house, England and France had been waiting for Ukraine to call again. She had said Canada would be home soon. What did she mean? What on earth was going on?

Suddenly they heard a strange noise from outside.

"What the bloody hell is that?"

They went to the front door, and saw a flying tank few meters above the ground.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON?" England screamed.

"Sacre bleu, is zat Canada?"

It was indeed. Canada climbed out of the tank, followed by Finland. The dumbfounded europeans stared at them.

"Vhat is going on? Vhy are you shirtless, Finlande?" France yelled.

"Business. Oh, this is for you guys", he said and pushed Canada. He fell on the ground face-first and the tank flew off. England and France ran to the canadian, asking what had happened. Canada was quiet for a second, thinking.

"Apparently, Finland is running short on elves."


End file.
